Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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