I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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