eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry about my life...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
