you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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