What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
