You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
