Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
