I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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