You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
