She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
not ubering you a puppy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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