Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
