Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
