i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
