she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
