what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
