what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
