Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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