Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
