Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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