I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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