just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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