i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
