no, he came in my armpit
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
