if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
