pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
