Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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