It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
