So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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