I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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