I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
