Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
