i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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