i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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