my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
