i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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