DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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