You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
