Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
