Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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