My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
