I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
