I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
