Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
