Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
