nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
