its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
