office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
