I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
