This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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