thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
