I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
