Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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