A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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